This Promise.

Dear ____,

I honestly wish I could talk to you more often. We barely ever talk and when we do I always feel like the conversation is just going to end and so everything else. You don’t know how I feel now and how this changes me. There’s others for you and I hate how you talk but don’t choose to act. I wish you would just make up your mind. I always want to suggest myself but I can’t. I think I know who one of the guys is but I already gave you my advice. Plus, I said I already really miss you…

Dear someone,

If I could meet you that would be undefinable. It would just be amazing to meet that one perfect girl. Although, I think I already did. She keeps to herself but opens herself up at times. I could imagine I did but who will ever know. I just know you would be the person I would love to meet. It would be such a great feeling to be with you for now and the times to come.

Dear internet friend,

All there is to say is, what is there to do? GTA, Black Ops, BF, and others. Games are pretty much what we have. Play them for good or bad. Kicking ass is always fun so how about we get on live?

I actually have two of these just because both of these girls are still present and they both played an interesting role in more than occasion. First one is that of the one who has a little too much estrogen side-effects and the second is the one who drove me crazy.

Dear Miss Estrogen,

I don’t think I was that bad to you on some rare occasions. I’ve heard many stories regarding what happened but I’m not really beat over finding the truth. It happened and it led me somewhere else. Yes, I played a fool a bit but I was too young to care. I saw you a little more than what other people see you for but I can’t really reach a conclusion on anything. I mean it was a strange thing that we were involved in but I don’t really know what I was thinking or feeling. It seemed like a regular thing but now that I’ve matured I can kinda see there really was no thought put into it. It was kind of a crazy leap that lead to what happened. In the end, we both were two mismatched people which proved to give interesting moments. Different music tastes, styles, ideals, and pretty much everything gave a pair that you only see work in movies. But it kind of worked in a superficial sense. It gave a haphazard couple that couldn’t really function but somehow managed to pull something off. It led to what it is today. We had two classes and that’s it. We barely talked ever but when we did it was either funny or just dissing on the other. I see everything as alright. Life gave us something and we both just went off each others maps. That’s the past and so are those moments of even talking. I don’t know if you ever saw me as a possible person to love but who knows. At this point I doubt you wonder what happened to my annoying ass and stupid comments but who knows. You may never read this but at least something is being recorded to say something about another weird relationship with two polar opposite people that just became a past subject.

Dear Miss Wonderwall,

I don’t know where to start at all. A hateful comment followed by another led to some of the greatest moments of my teenage life and high school attendance. You are the girl that I would love to have forever. So many things that are just too long to ever describe. I could write forever if there was a way to capture and concentrate all my feelings into words. Without a doubt you are the best things that has entered my life in quite a while. It was just an amazing time that I spent with you. There may have been times that would cause some to not remember the good ones but I honestly can’t think of the bad ones without having a billion good ones overpower them and just change my mood. The moments I shared with you are too powerful for me to EVER forget. You can’t imagine how I felt. Best way to describe it would be the happiest teenager ever alive. Our time together was just too good for me and I feel was just something I never deserved. Yet I still had the luck to be apart of your life and have you be a part of mine. It’s all is just too hard for me to let go of. I’m still living every special time we had as well as every small one along the way. It all is just too much for me to talk about. I want to just keep them forever and be grateful for what life gave me. I ran into an angel in my life and she was the gift that I needed to give me a positive change in my life. All of our time together is something that I just cherish so much. I grew to love you with so much passion that I can guarantee you that I will try my hardest to be here for you no matter the situation. Today, I still feel the same. memories still float through my mind and they lift me up when I’m down. Yet I just crash down later knowing that you are part of something else now. I miss you more everyday and I just try to forget and I force myself to face to the facts. It may be what you want or what’s best. The truth is I don’t want to accept it. Knowing you’re gone hurts more than anything. But how can you keep something that wants to be free? I miss everything about you and this will last longer than you may want to ever think of. All that’s left for me are memories and momentous. I don’t see you anymore and we don’t communicate. We are just separated by walls and distance. Nothing else is in the way but those two prove enough to keep everything away. Now I don’t know what your plans are but I hope they are still as good ever. This seems a bad ending to an otherwise beautiful story in my opinion.

Dear stranger,

What can I say to you? Let me know you already? Time will decide the length of time of being strangers. The next stranger I meet may be a friend or a future. I will never know until I am there. I could wish to see you the next day or the next second but wishes may only push you farther away. If I fight the current of time I may just be pushed farther away from meeting you. So how about we wait and just find out how we meet each other when we actually meet. Who knows? You may be just curious to know who I am or I might be a little curious too. The thing is we will meet and when we do we just have to wait some more and find out what the future has for us.

Dear dreams,

If only I could be in your presence all day. Life has been so hard for me that I wish only to be where my dreams are. In a place so lush with happiness and youth everlasting. All fantasies come true and futures fulfilled. No troubles such as capital or disease plague a perfect land. Pain and sorrow gone away for only an instant in those dreams. Dreams of a future in a conscious mind and fantasies fulfilled in a relaxed state of perfection. All dreams prove an escape for this life I’m in. I wish to chase these dreams and never have to worry about anything else. I wish to live in these dreams. Dreams past and dreams to be conjured up by wishes and creativity. Yet I can’t decide to choose among my dreams of sleep or dreams of a future. But as we all know, the choice does not matter. I am stuck in this world where I dream to escape reality only to wake up and face an unforgiving world.

Dear Sibling,

You’ve been really hard on me all my life. But I can see why. I’m never really perfect and I screw up a lot. I gave our parents a hard time and you knew better than to do that so you would have to correct me. I don’t hate you for that but I do fear you. It isn’t something that I can say easily since you are also my greatest influence in my life. Every since I was a little kid my mindset was always to be like you. I saw you as the greatest person in the world and as the unstoppable super hero in my life. I always sought the same goals as you so I could make you proud by proving I could do what you also did. Everything was fine but life stepped in the way. My life became a bigger challenge and with your absence I couldn’t really manage. You came back and everything was different. How do you talk to someone you hadn’t seen in over a year and only talked once through the phone in 6 months? I wish I knew the answer. I couldn’t really find anything to say and I still can’t. Knowing your biggest role model in your life is half way around the world and he’s serving a duty that could threaten his life is something a child can’t really comprehend. Losing you would have been something I cannot describe. But we both lost someone later that neither of us have words for. We persevered and we tried our best to manage but if we look back. That was a lot of stress we both took in so little time, that we both still try to relieve to this day. I know it’s too hard for me to have this episode pass. But everything that has happened between us should have strengthened us but we are just too hurt. I don’t know about you but I’m still in that room crying alongside you, it has just been to much to handle for me. It all came way too early for both of us.

Dear Mom and Dad,

As a child I never really learned to show my appreciation and as I got older I learned but by then it was too late. It began with little rebellions here and there but as you know they soon escalated. Being your only son but not the only child was the thing that I believe made me like this. I don’t think any parent would ever really go so hard on the child they created with their loved one, especially him being the last. I wish I could make up what I’ve done but its just become a debt with no end. It grows every day but I try to diminish it by as much as I can. For both of you all I have to show is my success in life which hasn’t been that great. Others may mark themselves as the true black sheep of the family. The liar, the rebel, the gangster, the dropout, all of them label themselves as the loose screw. I feel I’ve achieved their reasons and so many more. I feel I am the true fuck-up in this family. But yet I still try my hardest to not end up like that. I’m on the edge and I am trying to keep from falling for both of you. It is becoming harder everyday and I don’t know how much longer I can hold up…

Dear Crush,

What can I really say about you? Everything has been said more than once. Would it really be acceptable or even possible to say them all over? No one will ever really know the answer to that. You wouldn’t really count as my crash since it has been more than that for a long time. But truth is, who else would I write about? I’ve been stuck in this point of view for quite a long time. It never has changed but by the looks of things, it may very well have to. I can say that nothing has changed for me but that proves I’m stubborn. You are my crush and more but everyone says it’s can only be a crush, even you say that. From a crush point of view I can only say you are the same from when I had that feeling deep inside grabbed my attention and immersed me in another world where you were that center of everything. It may sound unhealthy but who really knows. A teenager will always make things that he/she shouldn’t their biggest priority. It’s human nature and we can only learn to deviate from that perspective of a teen. What I leave this with is that you are my crush and as the person with that crush, I’m left to only imagine the “ifs” and wonder about the “could’ve beens”.